What Not to Wear: Ninja addition
by Kitsune Foxfire
Summary: Random. Title says it all, Naruto cast going on a What Not to Wear. O.C. hosts, OOC a bit.... 2 college students, late nights....Naruto  bad ideas. Ok, R&R, or just R.
1. Sasuke

Kitsune Foxfire here with the story I told y'all about that I am working on with a friend...I won the coin toss, so it's under my name. Sorry WeevilOne (here is her with the Disclaimer of dooooooom)

Disclaimer: First off, we don't own Naruto or Sasuke or any of the other Naruto characters. They belong to Kishimoto. Also, we don't actually watch "What Not to Wear". So... umm... yeah... We're also not responsible for any subsequent nosebleeds; shits and giggles on the other hand, we'll claim full responsibility for. At least the giggles. We don't really want the shits...not sure how that would work anyway...

On a side note, anyone who would like to illustrate any part of his story will be offered cookies and hugged profusely.

WeevilOne, over and out.

* * *

Dear Kage,

We here at TLC (11) Elemental Nations are requesting your assistance for a dangerous S-rank mission. We have run out of civilians brave enough to face the fire of our top fashion programming. This has caused a serious cut in ratings, not to mention the loss of a few good shows. We need you to send candid videos of all your ninja, and then subsequently send all the fashion challenged ninja we notify you of. Enclosed is the first installment of our payment for this mission, as we are sure you will accept. For every Ninja you send us, we will pay the same amount as this first check.

Sincerely,

Jade and Amethyst

* * *

Orochimaru and Sasuke walk into the studio. Sasuke is muttering about the things he goes through just to get stronger while Orochimaru ushers him in talking about the joys of fashion. Orochimaru gets hustled off to the waiting area while Sasuke is escorted to the main studio where he is greeted by the hosts.

"Weeeelcome to What Not to Wear – Ninja Edition!!! This is the show where our fashion gurus take the worst dressed and make them the best dressed… or at least presentable? Just because you're a ninja and hide in the shadows doesn't give you an excuse to be ugly. Today the famous A and B will assist the traitorous Uchiha Sasuke!!!"

Sasuke crosses his arms and glares. "Humph."

"Okay then, looks like we've gotten off to a good start." Jade spins Sasuke around while Amethyst pulls out a large scroll and proceeds to leap in the air while twirling the scroll. Sasuke's wardrobe scatters itself around the three. The stagehands run to grab the clothing and hang it all up on the conveniently placed clothing rack.

Sasuke turns to glare at Amethyst. "You. Have. Wrinkled. My. Clothing."

Jade shakes her head. "You know, it's all probably going to end up in the trash anyway."

Amethyst cowers in fear as Sasuke activates the Sharingan.

"For, dry red eyes, use clear eye!" Jade proclaims, handing him a pair of sunglasses. "Or just use shades. You're going for the whole goth vampire thing anyhow, you can even wear them inside."

"Back to the clothing," Amethyst says, now free from the Sharingan death-glare. "First off, What Is With The BUTT BOW?!?! Are you too cheap to afford a belt? It looks awful. I mean, it's big and purple, and UPSIDE DOWN. How do you even tie a bow upside down?"

Amethyst reaches over and yanks the bow off of Sasuke causing two things to happen. First, Sasuke goes spinning off as the bow unravels in Amethyst's hand. When he stops spinning, facing the camera, his (awful) pants slide down. This reveals his boxers to be covered in foxes holding Uchiha fans.

"Well… that's awkward…" Amethyst coughs.

"Can we get Bobby a tissue? Poor guy's got a noise bleed." Jade sighs as she tries to wipe the grin off her face. "Love the fact your holding up your MC hammer pants. Want to grab your groin and shout 'can't touch this' for us?" She tisks, "We left the 80's behind, kiddo. Hell, were you even alive for that? Umbrella pants went the way of bellbottoms and pleather."

"It's not MC hammer pants," Sasuke snapped, turning red, "they're Punk pants."

"Those are not punk pants. First, you're not a punk. Or a skater. Second, they are COTTON. NOT denim." She reaches out and feels the fabric, "correction, they're nylon umbrella pants." She rips them off. "Bobby, ya like the view?"

Amethyst pulls Sasuke to the side and Jade gets a carton of tissues for the cameraman.

"You know, you really should stop shopping for ALL of your clothing at the Goodwill. Granted you can find some really neat things there, but that shirt (is it actually a shirt?) is not one of those things. I mean, it's not even in your size. It's far too big, and it's always hanging open. Maybe some people think showing a bit of chest is sexy, but not when it looks like your shirt's falling off. And do you really want to attract those shallow kinds of girls to resurrect the Uchiha clan?"

"Bud I like the thirt…" Bobby snuffles through the tissues.

"Yes, Bobby, we ALL know you like the shirt. Are you getting blood all over the camera again? Ahh, Bobby…"

The hosts toss Sasuke's clothing in the giant trash barrel that they've lovingly decorated with a giant purple bow and seals to make Sasuke feel at home.

"Well, that just about wraps it up will the clooothing. Now on to the accessories!" Jade exclaims. "Let's see let's see…huh, looks like he only has one accessory." She holds up his sword. "And what an accessory!" Jade grins, nudging her co-host, "I think he might be compensating for something. Personally, I think a mustang convertible would have gotten the point across just as well…. and you still go through airports." Shaking her head she continued, "Freud would have a field day with you, so would Jung, Poor little boy, don't feel like a man?"

Grinding his teeth in a rage, Sasuke holds the weapon above his head and unsheathes it, tossing the hilt to the side and brandishing the blade. Far from being scared, the hosts clapped.

"I didn't think he could do that. How is that even possible, the blade is longer then he is!"

"Bravo! Bravo! But onto the hair." Amethyst continued. "You know, as cute as they may be, ducks are not good models for hair styles. Especially not their back ends."

"Looks like a curly tail mallard cross," Jade piped in helpfully.

"Thank you, Jade… Anyway, we'll never say this again, but in this case _please_ copy Naruto's hair."

"Naruto's here?" Sasuke said, visibly perking up and looking around expectantly (still in his fox/Uchiha boxers).

"Yes, yes, Naruto's here. Now go to the blue room and wait there to get your makeover."

Sasuke walks off stage muttering about how he doesn't want to be made over, and wondering where Naruto is.

"Speaking of Naruto, who is waiting with the rest of Team Kakashi in the wing, stay tuned after the commercial to watch the rest of Team 7 in our 24 hour special of What Not to Wear – Ninja Edition!!!"

* * *

Kitsune again, Just to let you all know, sorry for the short chapters. We were going to do each chapter as a team, BUT...well, we do one person a week, and it would be like a moth between chapters, IF nothing came up. So deal with it. Bitch and moan all you want, I don't care, and I won't tell WeevilOne about it, cause she'd be all, "oh my". So faster updates! shorter chapters. 


	2. Sakura

"Welcome back to the 24 hour special What Not to Wear – Ninja Edition!!! Next up is Haruno Sakura with the rest of Team 7. And don't think we'll play nice just because she's a girl!"

Sakura gives the hosts a death glare worthy of Sasuke.

"CHA! Why the hell do I have to be here? There's nothing these two old crones could tell me anything I don't already know about fashion. No way. And how dare they bully Tsunade-sama into allowing this? Just to pay off gambling debts…. how could she do this to me? Honestly, who gave these old bats the right to lecture us?" Inner Sakura hollers.

The hosts twitch.

"We are not old crones!" Amethyst hollers back at Sakura. "And you call that fashion? That dress is about as fashionable as bikini on a hippo. Anyone with pink hair should not be wearing red. Monochromatic much?"

"H-how did you hear that?" Sakura stuttered as the two brought forth her cloths and arranged them to there liking of the rack.

"Don't question the gods of fashion, little girl." Jade wagged her finger in Sakura's face before tugging on Sakura's Arm. "Sakura, Sakura, Sakura, what on earth is with these elbow things?" she tisked, "Are you planning on going rollerblading after the show, dear?" Pulling them off she tossed them in the trash. "Got news for you, there are no roller rinks in the Elemental Nations. That little idea still hasn't caught on yet. Now if they're there to protect your poor precious elbows when you slam into a tree…. well, that's just pathetic. You're a ninja for crying out loud! Ninja don't wear safety gear!"

"And darling," Amethyst cut in, "what is with the knee-highs? It's sooo good catholic school. Do we need to get you a cute little plaid skirt to go with them? As Jade just mentioned, you're a ninja for crying out loud! You're not going to be getting into Sasuke's pants with that attitude. Though, given his choice of undergarments, you're probably not going to be getting into his pants anyway. That's an honor reserved for… well, never mind."

"What do you mean by that you horrible old crone?!" Inner Sakura began screaming again. "First you insult my clothing, now you bring up my love's underwear!"

"OOOO now we're horrible old crones! At least we know where a hitai-ate goes. Here's a hint…. NOT on the top of your head. What are you expecting? Freddy, or perhaps the guy from Scream to come along and attack you? Cause that is the only way someone is going to attack the top of your head." Jade laughed, "Not only is it NOT protecting you, but no one can tell what village your from. Unless you head-butt them; tell me, do you do that often?"

Amethyst laughs before reaching over to yank off her skirt.

"Why do you wear a mini skirt with shorts?" she asks waving the skirt in the air. "If your skirt is so short that you need to wear shorts under it, you need to get a longer skirt honey. Or, you could invest in a nice skort, while a fashion faux pas, is less awful than the skirt with shorts look."

The hosts toss Sakura's clothes in the giant bow bucket along with Sasuke's clothes and comment on how that's the closest to Sasuke's clothing that she'll ever get. The stagehands then hustle her off to the blue room where Sasuke unknowingly waits.

"Since this is our show, and we need a tea break, not to mention we want to go check on Bobbie, we're going to cut to a break. Please enjoy these messages from our sponsors." Jade linked arms with Amethyst, "We'll be back in five." And the two walked off to grab some snacks.

* * *

Kitsune: YAY! A review. and 2 faves...awsome (as spelling skills, or lack there of come forth in this note) Uh. yeah. and we updated! that's about for now.

Weevil: Well, hopefully my spelling is somewhat better than a certain other author's. I blame all spelling errors on her. (Just kidding...) Hope everybody enjoys the Sakura bashing. (I wonder what happens back in the blue room when she sees a certain missing-nin in his foxy boxers...)


	3. Sai

"Men shouldn't wear tube tops, and women shouldn't either! Oh. Look at that. Back to the show!" Amethyst exclaims.

"Welcome back to the 24 hour special What Not to Wear – Ninja Edition!!! With us right now we have Sai from Team 7," Jade continues, preping Sai's somewhat unusual wardrobe. "What on earth do you have leather pants for?"

"Sweetie, you're on the wrong show. Where are those guys from Queer Eye when you need them?" Amethyst interjected, looking around hopefully but not seeing the Queer Eye guys. "And if I find one more mini skirt in your closet, I'm telling Naruto that you're getting a sex change."

Naruto jumps up from where he's been sulking in the corner. Pointing at Sai he hollers, "Aha! I knew it! Who's the dick-less wonder now!"

Sai looks at him calmly.

"You."

"Whaaaat!?!?" Naruto shrieked, causing the hosts to cringe and cover their ears.

"ENOUGH!" Hollered Jade, "Sai, stop heckling Naruto." Noticing a slight bulge in his shirt she grabbed him, "good god, please tell me you don't have nipple rings!" Jade huffs as she forcefully removes the tight shirt. "Chip & Dale material you are not…." She paused as six paintbrushes and Sai's inkwell/scroll fell to the floor. "Ok….that's just weird. Boy, that's just so….wrong."

"At least he doesn't keep them in his pants," Amethyst laughs, tugging down said leather pants. She gapes as a book falls to the floor. "Oh. Well then."

Jade picks up the book, snickering. "What is this? _How to Make Friends in Just Ten Days_?"

"And what's with the superman boxers?" Amethyst asks, walking around him examining the horror from all directions.

"I read once that every man can be a superman," Sai tells her straight faced.

"And you actually believed that?" Amethyst asked, incredulous.

Kakashi sweatdropped in the corner where Naruto was still sulking.

Jade breaks out into song with Amethyst humming along "If I go crazy then will you still call me superman…."

"But…." interrupted Sai, killing all the fun, "you're not a man."

"….I think you need to look into some professional help,"

"I read in a book once that that meant someone was crazy. I also read that medicat.." Amethyst slammed her hand over his mouth.

""REAL help. Not book-help." Finished Jade just as Amethyst squeaked. "What?"

"He licked me!" She cried, making faces and wiping her hand on the first thing she could find (which happened to be Sai's hair).

"You are petting me," Sai commented. "I once read that petting was a sign of affection. Are you trying to seduce me?"

Amethyst spluttered in shock as Jade doubled over laughing.

Sai winked at Amethyst in a (rather pathetic) attempt to flirt with her.

Amethyst gagged.

"You really do need some professional help," Jade said, cringing. "I know, get help, get a new wardrobe, wait a few years, come back, and try that again." She winked at him, "bet you'll have better luck."

Amethyst's mouth dropped open before she composed herself and leapt on Jade.

Sai just stared.

"Why are the hosts trying to strangle each other?" he asked.

Kakashi sighed and walked over to separate the hosts. "Do I have to give you a lecture on teamwork?"

"I could say a few not-flattering things about the effectiveness of your lectures about teamwork….but I won't." Jade growled.

"Yeah, we get the point…. Sai, you may go. Follow our hints, and one day, you shall be a man." Amethyst pulled herself out of Kakashi's grasp, "Well be back after a short break."

"YOU!" shouts Jade, pointing to a stagehand, "yes you. Pick someone, go to the store, and buy a whole bunch of underpants. I have a feeling that we'll be needing them."

"Sai!" Amethyst yelled. "The blue room! Not the back door!"

"Please join us after the commercial break to watch Naruto get bashed… I mean instructed."

* * *

Kitsune: Uh, yeah, another person down...24 to go. Or something like that. Yay? Are you people even reading this? If you are Review, let us know, seriously.

Weevil: Sai is NOT my favorite character ever. Kitsune is a very cruel co-author. I'll get her later... coughOrochimarucoughcough Well, I'm not quite that mean.


	4. Naruto

"Welcome back to What Not to Wear – the 24 hour Ninja Edition! Joining us now is everyone's favorite knuckle-headed ninja, Uzumaki Naruto!" Amethyst cried, as loudly as she could.

"Hey! Who are you calling knuckle-headed?" Naruto yelled, running over in an attempt to tackle the host for slighting him.

Jade pulled the hyper youth back by his jacket. "No attacking the hosts, remember?"

"She insulted me first!" he yelled, unzipping the jacket and slithering out of it to continue his assault on the host.

Jade quietly went over to one of the stagehands and handed him the jacket.

"Put this up for auction on EBay, will you?"

The stagehand nodded and took the jacket away.

"Get off of me you stupid kid!" Amethyst yelled, trying to peel Naruto off of her and managing to lose her balance. She toppled over and Naruto fell on top of her.

Jade snorted as Amethyst turned bright red before pushing Naruto off of her.

"Too bad nobody got a picture of that," Jade said mournfully.

"A picture?" Amethyst yelled, near hysterics. "Who needs a picture when we're _on camera_!?"

"Hummmm… Hey, I get a screen shot of that? I can blow it up, and offer it only for a limited time…. Ah, Blackmail." Jade chuckled, "Anyway, back to the horrid wardrobe you have. Orange? Why? Just, why? You're blonder then Paris Hilton. You shouldn't be wearing orange."

"Not to mention it's oranger then an actual orange." Amethyst added, "I didn't think it was possible for it to be more atrocious in real life. How can you even be a ninja with that outfit?"

"To mention The Jacket, which is starting at a bid of 500 American on EBay right now, you should not be wearing a winter jacket all the time. It's really pathetic. And it has no pockets! How can you stand that?"

"Well, I mean, I have my weapons pouches for everything. I don't really need pockets… Wait! Don't sell my jacket!!! Iruka-sensei gave that to me!" Naruto shrieked trying to run offstage to find his jacket.

Amethyst caught the boy before he could head offstage, and with a flourish hog-tied the ninja. She tossed the other end of the rope onto the scaffolding above the stage and pulled until he was suspended upside down at eye level. (Well, eye level for the hosts. He was about collarbone level to the rest of humanity.)

With each tug of the rope an assortment of objects fell out of his pants cuffs.

"Let's see what we've got here…" Jade muttered, combing though the stuff with a stick, "We've got…. Pez, some acorns, pocket lint…how'd that get there? House keys, useful for getting the rest of your wardrobe, Naruto," she pocketed the keys, "some nachos, a Deathnote key chain, manuscript of the next 'come come book' very interesting…."

While Jade sorted through the contents of Naruto's cuffs, Amethyst was collecting shuriken. With an evil grin (she had a bone to pick with this blond boy who had embarrassed her) she began spinning in circles and letting the shuriken fly. Naruto shrieked and squirmed as the weapons brushed his skin. When Amethyst was done, Naruto looked up in horror to find his pants slowly drifting down in pieces like some horrible orange confetti. Amethyst had somehow managed to miss his boxers in her attack, and she smirked at the bright frog print.

"Nice boxers, fox boy."

"What's wrong with my boxers? I like these boxers." Naruto pouted.

"Well, at least there's no Uchiha fans," Amethyst admitted, "I can't stand cuffed pants! GAH! It makes you look like your five." She griped as Jade handed her a red marker.

"Who-what's that for?" whimpered Naruto, remembering some of Kakashi's more inventive attacks.

"Oh, you'll see." Amethyst chuckled darkly as she approached the lad. "Woo foxy piñata."

"No wait! Sto-ha! Ah stop, that's hey knock it off!"

When the spinning stopped and Naruto rotated towards the camera, squiggly lines could be seen everywhere with a bright smiley face over his seal. "You know, Amethyst, that's going to be upside-down later."

"So? We'll just have to leave him like this then." She grinned, "It could be worse, it could have been an Uchiha fan."

"Well, we can't leave him here." Jade sighed, cutting the boy down. Naturally, Naruto landed on his head. "Dumby get your but into the green room before she draws a fan."

"But…. I can't go in there. Sakura will see me!"

"Ha ha ha, that's the least of your worries," laughed Amethyst, "Sai and Sasuke are in there, too."

Naruto zoned out the Sasuke bit at first, "No way I'm going in there like this with Sai! Give me some pants please!...wait Sasuke's in there?! GAH! What am I gonna DO!" he hollered, running around off camera, torn between going in and seeing Sasuke, and going in and seeing Sasuke.

Eventually he settled on hovering outside door in terror.

"You know, you're going to have to go in there at some point," Amethyst told him, advancing towards him with the marker and an evil grin."

"Oh, just let him go in with Kakashi," Jade told her partner. "You've tortured him enough for today."

"Fine," Amethyst sulked before perking up considerably. "Next up, after a short break is the leader of Team Seven. The Copy-nin. The great HATAKE KAKASHI!!!"

* * *

**hehe, um yeah, so this chapter had been done before break, then magically disappeared when we went to load it. So...We skipped, did the next chapter, then did this one today. Enjoy. (and Weevilone wears orange pants like once a week. it's funny, cause it's ususally when we're working on this. She's got an Orange shirt on now. But it's school colors...)  
**


	5. Kakashi

"Welcome back to What Not to Wear's 24 Hour Ninja edition!!!" Amethyst cried, leaping into the air and tossing confetti around.

Jade and Kakashi just stared.

"What?!" Amethyst asked.

"Why. Are. You. Throwing. That. Stuff. In. The. Air?" Jade asked coldly, eyeing the scattered paper. "You're the one who's going to have to clean that up."

"Well, it's Kakashi…" Amethyst trailed off lamely.

The others just stared at her. (Well, Bobby glared, but we won't go into that.)

Amethyst coughed. "Well, umm, anyway. Where are the rest of your clothes?"

"The rest of my clothes?" he asked her. "What do you mean the rest of my clothes?"

The hosts just stared at him.

"You don't have any other clothes?" Amethyst asked, incredulous.

"No. Do you have other clothes?"

"OF COURSE!" they yelled in unison.

"What do you wear when you do the laundry?" Jade asked.

"Nothing, probably," Amethyst muttered under her breath.

"No, I wear this!" Kakashi told them, pulling out a rather threadbare towel.

The hosts blinked.

"Err, how old is that thing?" Amethyst asked him.

"No, how long ago was it washed?" Jade asked. She turned to Amethyst. "I mean, if he wears it to do the laundry, that means it never actually makes it into the laundry…"

Kakashi conveniently didn't answer either question, and the hosts grabbed it and tossed it into the burn bin. Unnoticed by everyone else, Bobby snuck over and plucked it out of the bin.

"Pulling away from that thing formerly known as a towel," Amethyst began, "we shall begin our great mission to make you a fashion guru!"

"What's gotten into her?" Jade muttered quietly.

"First off, you need to stop with that facemask. Don't you want people to be able to see your face?" Amethyst continued, oblivious to her co-host.

"No."

"Well, that's really too bad," she said, ripping off all 8 masks. "Everyone else wants to be able to see your face."

When Amethyst finally looked up from counting the masks, her jaw dropped. Looking around, everyone else had their mouths open too. Well, everyone with the exception of Bobby, who had another nosebleed.

"Umm… Nice face?" she said dumbly.

"Er…yeah. Let's move on from the hotness that we have discovered Kakashi's face to be and move onto his hair, shall we?" Jade coughed, "Tony, when we air this, think about adding a blackout box, ok?"

"My masks…wow, so much easier to breathe." Kakashi pouted.

Jade ignored him, "So, what's with the hair?"

"What's wrong with his hair? I like it…" Muttered Amethyst.

"Yes, it's all very well and nice on a teenager, but Kakashi is really to old for it. Especially with silver hair. Even if it is dyed silver…" She eyes his roots critically, "Which it is."

"It is NOT!" Kakashi shrieked, whipping out a mirror and checking his own roots, " I just…. tint it, that's all."

"Sure he does," sighed Amethyst, more then slightly disappointed.

"Kakashi, ignoring your 'tinting' why are you spiking your hair? Off to one side no less."

"It looks cool."

"No, no it doesn't. You know, when the hair gel says, "Wind tunnel tested," they don't mean for you to test it. Or use the whole tube." She held up as bottle of Got 2 be Glued, "It's much to much to spend if you have to get a new bottle every day, and the remover."

"They sell a remover?"

Jade just stared at him, "Lord, have mercy on us, we're working with french-fries. Yes you porno-obsessed Otaku, they make remover!"

"Oh." Kakashi sweat dropped, not noticing that Amethyst was trying to get marshmallows to stick on the spikes of his hair.

"OH! Look! It worked!"

"Huh?"

"Nothing, Kakashi….."

"What!?"

"Nothing at all. Well, not nothing. You really need to get an eye patch for that eye of yours. I mean, using your nin-band? How low class." Amethyst told him.

Jade coughed. "Cheap-ass too…. You know if you didn't spend all of your money on books and hair gel…"

"Yes. You're a jounin for goodness sakes. You're the Great Copy Nin Hatake Kakashi! You should make more than minimum wage! You should be able to afford an eye patch… and clothes and food and a new towel… and underpants…"

"I never said I didn't have underpants!" Kakashi exclaimed, indignant.

"Do you?" she asked.

Kakashi grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "Umm… hey! What's this?" He asked, pulling off a marshmallow and conveniently changing the subject.

"Never mind that. You're Hatake Kakashi. You have a reputation to uphold. You can't go around using your nin-band as an eye patch."

"What if it slips and covers both eyes and you can't see?" Jade piped in.

"You'll look like you're at a birthday party and trying to play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey" Amethyst told him. "Just get an eye patch and save yourself the embarrassment and possible death."

"As for your top," Jade continued, ripping it off, "While it is an acceptable top, on the grounds that you don't have any other clothes, it's got to go."

"He only has it because they gave him the vest…." Sighed Amethyst, "What about the pants?"

"Personally, I've heard to many rumors on what is, or isn't, under there. I'm not touching them. You can."

"What?! Me? No, no, that's ok…. I might, you know, touch something…"

Kakashi grinned mischievously, "I really don't mind. Let's go all the way with this, the great Kakashi never backs down from a mission."

"BAD choice in words, Kakashi." Jade yelped.

"NO! No, that's ok, really!" Amethyst yelped at the same time.

"But poor Naruto needs a pair of pants. You wouldn't send him in to see Sasuke like that, would you?"

Naruto piped in from the sidelines, "Kakashi-sensei! I love you!"

"I think I can fix this," Bobby said, walking over to Naruto. With a practiced move, he dropped his pants and handed them to the youth, revealing a second pair underneath, "Always look underneath the underneath, right Kakashi-sempai?" He gave Kakashi a thumbs up.

"Uh…yeah." Both hostesses and Kakashi answered. Naruto was just dancing with his new pants.

"Well…. We'll be back after a word from our sponsors… Kakashi, go away now."

* * *

Author note that may be important:

WeevilOne would like you to know she's a Rin fan.(Well, I am... And seeing as we can't do Rin, I had to make due with obsessing over Kakashi.) Also, the hair gel mentioned _does_ actually exist and it _does_ say "wind tunnel tested". (I should know, I've got some...Got 2 be Glued man, got to be glued! K.F)

Stay tuned for a...intresting chapter next.


	6. Meanwhille, Back at the ranch

Secret Video Footage!!!!

"Welcome back to What not to where Ninja Addition…" whispered Amethyst, "We're taking a quick break to burn the abundantly redundant…"

"hey, that rhymed!"

"Wardrobes we've collected thus far, but fear not! We've got a special treat for you viewers!"

"That's right Amethyst," continued Jade, "We've got exclusive footage of our green room, courtesy of Bobbie's cousin Joe and his hardware store."

"Why are we whispering again?"

"Dramatic affect….Cut to the feed!"

Naruto can be seen walking over to Sasuke, almost stalking over apparently shouting something. "And it seems like Joe forgot to install the microphones. Good going."

"Note, get Joe to add microphones later." Jade muttered, "What are we going to do, this is really going to kill the fun…"

Naruto reached Sasuke and started gesturing wildly.

"Here we see a wild Naruto in its natural environment. 'Hey, what are you doing here, Teme?!'" said Amethyst in a very poor imitation in Naruto's hyper voice. "'I thought you were hangin' with Orochimaru and his snakes.'"

Naruto continued to wave his arms madly as Sakura went over to the two of them.

"'How come you're here Sasuke? Huh? Huh? Answer me gosh darn it, stupid emo-boy!' 'Oh, Sasuke-kuuuun. Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun'" Amethyst began whining in a high pitched voice. She switched back to Naruto again. "'Oh shut it, Sakura-chan. I thought you'd gotten over him years ago.' 'Well, I did… but I mean… look at him! He's all shirtless and… you know…' 'Yeah, yeah I could see that. I mean, he does look much better without the shirt…'"

"Hey!" Jade yelled, swatting Amethyst on the back of the head. "They aren't saying that!"

"Well what are they saying then?" she asked, indignant.

"'Naruto, why are you wearing pants while I'm stuck in boxers? Your such a looser! Or course I'd rather hang with that pedophile Orochimaru'" Jade began imitating Sasuke, " Baka, now I can't tell how low your tan lines go…' Sasuke goes emo…. "

Sai walked over to the three teammates and smiled, pointing at Naruto.

"'The dickless wonder has no tan lines, Duck-butt. It is nice to meet you, please teach me your emo ways.'"

"What!?!? Like Sai would ever say that!" Amethyst thought about that for a second. "Wait… nevermind."

Jade snickered and watched as Kakashi approached the teens. "'Now, now children. There's no need for fighting.'"

"Hey! I get to do Kakashi! You can have Sakura," Amethyst said with a glare at her co host.

"I don't want Sakura! Sakura's a bitch! Besides, you do her high pitched whiny voice so well."

"Hey now!" Amethyst complained. "I don't want to be Sakura. She called us old hags or something."

"Fine, we'll split Sakura." Jade compromised.

"Okay, okay, we should get back to the green room. You know, I've always wanted to be a voice actress…"

"You what? Me too!" Jade exclaimed, "Ok, lets see…ah crap. Everyone's bruised now…."

"What did we miss?!" Amethyst added as Naruto and Sasuke caught their breaths and Sai rubbed his Jaw while Sakura shook out her fist. Kakashi just sweat dropped. "'See? This is why I told you to calm down…' she started again as Kakashi, 'Tell that to Sasuke! He's the one who started it!'"

"'Looser, blaming it on me.' 'Sakura, why did you hit me? I was just saying that Naruto had a tighter ass.'"

"'SHUT UP YOU PERV!' 'Actually, I'm surprised you didn't put him though the wall, Sakura,'"

"'I tried to Sensi!'' Jade chucked, "Ninja proof walls, $1,546 on MasterCard, keeping your fish in a barrel, priceless."

"I'm really glad we spent the extra money on those…" Amethyst commented, watching the ninja continue to argue. "'I'm almost afraid to ask, Sakura, but why exactly were you trying to put Sai through the wall?' 'She was protecting my honor, of course!'"

The hosts snickered as they watched Sakura try to punch Naruto through the wall this time.

"'Ow ow ow ow! You hit so hard Sakura-chaaaan!'"

The hosts snickered harder as they watched Sakura pull her fist back again. Then they gaped as Sasuke stepped in and grabbed her fist before she could test the ninja-proof walls again.

"'S-sasuke-kun?'" Amethyst asked in a wavery voice.

"'Don't hurt him, Sakura.' 'Yeah, Sasuke doesn't want you pummeling his Naru-chan into oblivion. I mean, have you seen what's on his shorts?'"

Everyone in the room took a good look at Sasuke's foxy Uchiha shorts.

"'Wahhhh! Why does Sasuke-teme have boxers with foxes holding Uchiha fans? And why do the foxes have, ummm… nine tails?'"

"'Why do you think, Dickless wonder? He obviously wants…'"

"'Ok, that's quite enough out of you Sai,'" Kakashi slapped his hand over Sai's mouth. "'Sasuke! You don't me to tell me that all this time you were….'"

"No Sakura…It's not what it looks like….' 'how could you do that Sasuke? Why are the cute ones always gay?!'"

"'Because gay guys like like cute guys?' 'Kakashi, not you, too!' Oh look, Sakura's crying. 'don't cry Sakura-chan, you could beat any gay guy strait!'"

"Yeah, I'm _sure_ that'll make her feel better, baka.' 'so to be emo you have to be gay? Or just think Naruto is hot?'"

"'Sai, don't say those things! Coming from you that's just gross!'"

Kakashi apparently had tired of his student's arguments and had pulled out Icha Icha.

"Hey Jade?"

"Yeah?"

"Didn't we take away Kakashi's weapon's pouch?"

"Yeah…"

"So where'd he pull Icha Icha out of?"

"Seeing as he's not wearing anything but his pants…"

"Riiiiight… ummm… not thinking about that…"

"Well, we do have about fifty other people to get to. We should probably leave Team Kakashi alone with their happy little relationship issues. And besides, the clothes are finished burning."

"Oh, right. The others." Amethyst paused. "Hey Jade?"

"Yeah?"

"Where'd Sai get the scroll and paintbrush?"

* * *

**Author notes! Yay! filler chap. Sadly, we're going to be taking a break, the Naruto Manga right now just an't doing it for us. Uchihas suck. 2 of them sucks a lot. (WeevilOne: Hey! I happen to like Obito, thank you very much. It's just Sasuke and Itachi that are giving the Uchiha a bad name. sulks) (KitsuneFoxfire: It's _Naruto_ not _Sasuke)_ So, as this was a good place to stop (between teams and all) We're stopping. Enjoy, and pray something actually _happens_ in the manga. if anything really happens, we'll probably be writing again.  
**


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